Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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