He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
