we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
