Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sext me about skeletons
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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