Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize