Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize