I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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