There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
