Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
