On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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