You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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