So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
