mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
