it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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