Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
