So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
