I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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