I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pants are for mortals
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
