So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
