Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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