I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
