omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
