She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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