your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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