His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
