I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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