Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
