I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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