whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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