I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
