What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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