Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
