you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
