$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
