Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
