end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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