I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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