WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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