I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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