You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
