Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
