i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
