No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've blown a few things in my day
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
