I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize