ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
