Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
