i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
