you would pick up someone in the library
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
