sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize