Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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