I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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