I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
