Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
