Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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