What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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