Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
