I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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