I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
