i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
