just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
