Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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