none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
