Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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