I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
