No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
